did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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