No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
