Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
