four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
