You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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