Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
even my farts smell like vagina
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
