Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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