she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
