Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
