Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
