so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
