It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
