I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
