He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
