I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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