U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
