apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
