just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
