Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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