mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
