She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
