Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
