We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Mom said you looked used
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
