if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
