3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
