At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
