Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
