if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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