Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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