we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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