I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
BRING THE BAGELS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
