i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
