Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
