Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
