in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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