She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
