She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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