there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
