I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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