Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
