I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
