Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
