Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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