remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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