I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
