It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
