YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
