Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
