Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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