i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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